The Squatter
Real Estate agents have some stories to tell.
I decided I should start sharing some of the more interesting ones I’ve experienced through the years. Looking back, I can only assume I was protected by a shield of God because there are so many situations that should have gotten me into serious trouble.
Meeting strangers at vacant houses after dark?
Sure.
Holding open houses by myself with my purse sitting out in plain view?
Absolutely.
Walking into abandoned foreclosure properties without another thought?
Apparently, that sounded like a perfectly reasonable idea too. Common sense and I were not particularly well acquainted in those days.
One of my funniest stories happened while I was working for my friend Jonathan Keith. Jonathan and I used to buy foreclosure properties on the courthouse steps back when foreclosures were everywhere. Looking back, Jonathan gave me the kind of confidence that only comes from not knowing any better. Our strategy was basically: unlock the door, walk in, and figure out later whether that was a good idea. We considered ourselves brave. In reality, we were probably just blissfully unaware of all the ways things could go horribly wrong. We wandered into countless houses with no idea who, or what, might be living inside. Thankfully, we never got shot, mauled, chased, kidnapped, or featured on the evening news (well, at least I never made the news!). Yet somehow, after every questionable adventure, we would dust ourselves off and do it all over again.
Most of these houses needed a little work. Okay, a lot of work.
Some needed enough work that they should have come with a tetanus shot and a prayer.
But the good news was they were vacant. Or at least they were supposed to be.
One afternoon I was meeting a prospective buyer at one of these homes. The house sat in an area that could generously be described as “full of character.”
Translation: the neighboring properties looked like they had lost a fight with Mother Nature.
The grass was knee-high. Briars grabbed at your ankles. Fallen limbs littered the yard. By the time we reached the front porch, I felt like we had completed an obstacle course. And this was after the property had been readied enough to show!
The house had no power. No water. No air conditioning.
Nothing.
I unlocked the front door and stepped inside.
Immediately I smelled cigarette smoke.
Now, most rational people would have thought: “Hmm. That’s strange.”
Not me. I simply thought, “Well somebody smoked in here at some point.”
Apparently, my spidy-sense was not fully developed yet.
So, I continued deeper into the house. The buyer followed behind me as we walked room to room.
Then we reached the back bedroom.
There on the floor was a pallet bed.
Next to it were personal belongings.
Fresh personal belongings.
Not “someone lived here six months ago” belongings.
More like “someone may currently be brushing their teeth in the bathroom” belongings.
For the first time that day, my brain arrived at the showing.
I suddenly realized we might not be alone.
And whoever was living in this house had probably not RSVP’d to our tour.
At that exact moment, every scary movie I’d ever seen came flooding through my mind.
I don’t remember saying anything to the buyer.
I just remember both of us deciding, without discussion, that it was time to leave.
Immediately.
We exited that house faster than I’ve ever shown property before or since.
Within seconds we were back in our cars backing out of the driveway.
I called Jonathan and explained that his “vacant” house appeared to have a tenant he didn’t know about.
Jonathan sent his crew out to investigate. Along with the police.
Sure enough, when they arrived, the unexpected resident decided his stay had officially ended.
He bolted.
The police chased him down the street.
The neighborhood got an unexpected afternoon track meet.
The squatter lost.
He was tackled, arrested, and removed from the property.
Meanwhile, I sat there realizing that I had casually walked into an occupied house, toured it, and almost marketed it to a buyer without noticing.
Looking back now, I can laugh. At the time, not so much. In fact, looking back, I mostly want to smack myself in the forehead and ask, “What in the world were you thinking?”
But that’s Real Estate.
People think we spend our days opening doors and collecting commission checks.
In reality, sometimes we’re dodging briars, discovering squatters, and accidentally starring in episodes of Cops.
Never a dull moment.
And by the grace of God, I survived another day in Real Estate.